I fainted once - a long, long time ago when I was in my very early twenties. It was on a first date and we were at the Colorado Car and Boat show.
He was looking at a display of motorcycle stuff and I was a couple booths away glancing at several 8” X 10” very graphic color glossy photos posted at a Right to Life booth. They were violent, overly morbid, designed to shock.
“That’s interesting,” I thought to myself as I took a couple steps toward the next booth. “I wonder why they would have a booth like that here.”
The next thing I know I’m flat on my back looking up at several concerned strangers. They, looking down at me with their mouths and eyes in perfect circle O’s of surprise and concern.
“You fainted,” someone said. “Let us help you up.”
So, up I was lifted (I was a skinny young thing back then) bright red with embarrassment and apologizing for causing such a ruckus when “whomp” - down I went again.
But, as I remember, it was a graceful, delicate faint. Filled with all the charm and femininity of a Victorian lady whose corset was bound too tightly...
**********************
... I woke up on the floor of a Kaiser cubical seeing only the lower parts of chrome and gray cabinets, some wheelie things, ribbons of electrical cords trailing across a cool, tile floor.
Confused is an understatement. Everything is so industrial and sterile. What the..?? Where..??
“I must be in an e-book,” I thought. (Got a Nook for Christmas. LOVE IT, but that’s another blog.)
A male voice asks me a question - don’t remember what.
“ I don’t know what book I’m in,” I reply
“You’re at Kaiser,” he explains in a shaky voice. “ I think you fainted.”
Now, I ask you to guess just at what point of the biopsy adventure did The Beckster faint?
Was it as I was climbing butt first off the biopsy table?... No.
How ‘bout when I first stood up and was slipping on the designer hospital gown? ... Uh, uh.
Hmmmmm...... on the walk across the hall to the mammogram machine?... Sorry, no again. I wish it had been.
Nope, (and here’s your visual) I waited until I was at the machine, standing in that awkward position of toes facing 37 degrees to the right, torso forward, left arm up, right arm back, chest out, hips back, and, oh yeah, poor assaulted and bleeding Left Girl trapped in the firm grip of the vice......
“Hold you breath,” Male Nurse says.
I did.
Next thing I know, I’m on the floor in an untitled e-story wondering what character I am.
But now I'm wondering, just how long was I hanging there and how did the Left Girl escape? It makes me giggle.
I’m not allowed to go to appointments by myself anymore without a responsible adult.
4 comments:
Oh Becky! We can laugh now but only because you weren't hurt. Did you ever find out what happened the first time you fainted years ago??
Well, responsible I am not so sure...but you know I will always be there if I can! HILARIOUS! Sad, painful, icky and yet funny.
Hang in there Beck (well, not literally)
OH NO!!! What an experience, one I hope to never replay. However, your story telling is very good, you keep me on the edge of my chair everytime.
O mi gosh Becky, despite the seriousness of this journey you are on- I guess the silver lining is your writing is most wonderful. I hope you are keeping a journal. I too am on the edge of my chair.
Your sense of humor and your positive spirit just shine through. I am sending positive thoughts and support and big hugs.
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